Ask Death Note Sock Puppets Answertime Jamboree
by Kishimojin
Summary: A lighthearted parody of the "Ask someone" fic trend in which an author, desperate for attention, tries and fails to make the ultimate "Ask someone" fic by going meta with puppets. The characters answer while pretending to be other characters. COMPLETE.
1. The deal is: Ask Questions

**Ask Death Note Sock Puppets Answertime Jamboree**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: This is over, and it was awesome, but don't ask questions anymore, please! **

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******Warnings:** Rated T for language, probably.

**Disclaimer:** I am not making fun of anyone, seriously. These 'ask _' fics have been around since the dawn of time, and they can be really fun. I've wrote questions for a few of them, and I read them sometimes. But, with so many around in the past few weeks, it is irresistible not to make one. I'm not implying that anyone should stop writing 'ask _', OR stop doing anything that they enjoy because of wet blankets. Even if I was making fun of people who write 'ask _' fics, tell me to screw myself because people can do what they want. And also, I am not actually making fun of you.

Now that's out of the way, let's make fun of some stuff!

* * *

**What is this?**

Sup, Dawgs, I heard you like fanfics about Death Note characters answering questions. So I put some Death Note characters pretending to be authors pretending to be to be OTHER Death Note characters answering questions in your fanfic, so you can get answers with your... um answers! Anyway, the point is: Pay attention to me: The author!

So anyway, based on a shaky premise, I have all of the popular DeathNote characters here in some vaguely defined space where the fic takes place. I guess it's some sort of puppet-theater. Try not to think to much about this.

**So who are the popular characters?**

Well, how about all of them? There were so many who played an important role in the series! Like Quillish Whammy! I bet you want to ask him what was his deal, WTF is with Whammy house, and why does such a rich guy act like a butler! Or Soichiro and Aizawa, the self-sacrificing family men who gave so much to save the world, all on a beat-cop's salary! I bet you want to ask either of them… what do you mean no one cares?

Fine! Here's the list of sexy characters you care about:  
**L, Light, Mello, Near, Matt, BB, and Misa **(not because you care, just so this isn't a total sausage-fest)**. OH! **And don't forget that, as the author, **I** am PROMINATLY featured in this *Spotlight*.

**The deal is: Everyone gets a DeathNote PuppetPal of another character and that character will answer questions through their puppet for the puppet-character.**

You, the audience, do not get to know which character has which puppet, and the puppets will be swapped between chapters.

Sound terrible?** Good! Then ask anything in the reviews!**

**Light-****Puppet**: As main and 'best' character, I expect to field most of these questions. I will try to make time for each of my fans, who I sincerely admire. That is the truth. *sparkle sparkle*  
**Mello-****Puppet**: _(Did you just say 'sparkle'?)  
_**Light-****Puppet**: _(Yes, we can do sound effects.)_  
**Matt-****Puppet**: _(Do you always make sound effects to go with your mental problems?)  
_**L-****Puppet**: I'm a big smelly jerk and not cute at all! Please make sure not to ask nerd-questions because this crowd is, like, 5/7 geek.  
**Near-****Puppet**: I'll help you actually say that percentage because I think I'm so smart. And since you clearly couldn't calculate it in your own head like the real L... It is... 71%.  
**Matt-****Puppet**: Ask us questions, or try to guess who we are. We don't care.  
**BB-****Puppet**: I don't know who I am!

* * *

OK, so there they are. Make sure to ask them something. But remember who is the real star here: Me.

So pay attention to me, the author, and write your reviews with questions for the Death Note characters pretending to be Death Note characters or to flame me for having this idea. This is going on until I am not bored and on holiday after Christmas.

Oh wait, before my insanely long AN is over, thanks to Near, probably, for making the puppets. Now say the slogan for this fic, Near.  
Puppet-ActualNear: _It's Pander-riffic!_

Nice.


	2. Christmas Plans and other Insanity

**FIRST EDITION**

* * *

**IMPORTANT NOTE:** This is over, and it was awesome, but don't ask questions anymore, please.

* * *

Miss Bright wrote in first, proving once and for all that she is the best. The puppets, controlled by the characters, and by extension: ME will answer her first.

Ok, characters, if everyone has switched their puppets to whoever they're supposed to be now, let's answer some questions recursively!

**Question:**** LOL how could I resist such a format. They're actually puppets. Cute!**

This is not a question. It is far more important, a compliment for me - the author! I'll handle this!

**Author:** Thank you.

**********Question: **To everyone - what do you have planned for Christmas this year? Oh, and Merry Christmas to you all.

**Light-Puppet:** I will answer first, because I am so wonderful, like I said before in the last chapter, even though my voice was less sexy.  
Now, I may have a nice haircut, but I am also Japanese. We don't have Christmas.  
Misa has some sort of gala for TV people, I think, and I guess I have to be at that. They better have Hors d'œuvres is all I can say, since I am the important main character and I HOG all of the lines.

**BB-Puppet:** (Who am I? L? Or the one that murders people?)

**L-Puppet:** (The one that murders people.)

**Near-Puppet:** (The SEXY one. Who likes Jam. Give that puppet jam!)

**BB-Puppet:** As the 'sexy' person who murders people, I guess I will be _murdering_ _people_. Merry Holiday, foreigners!

**L-Puppet:** I do not spend Christmas at Whammy House, and I have not seen my successors or the other children for most of their lives. I will eat dark rum fruitcake, frosted sugar cookies in assorted shapes, sugar plumbs, gingerbread, candy canes, advent chocolates, and drink eggnog alone. While I am eating, I will work.

**Mello-Puppet:** I suppose that (as Mello, mind you) I am not clear of the context of this question, given that I am not sure of a few facts which I will relate to you now.

One, are we alive? Mello is only 16% certain that we are within an alternate reality, wait… no I suppose Mello would get that slightly incorrect. Mello is 15% sure that we are in an alternate reality, in which we have all survived the events of the Death Note Anime and/or LABB and live lives relatively consistent with our personalities and –

**Misa-Puppet:** Hey, every guy, fall in love with me! I'm submissive! TEE HEE! Take that seriously, fuckers!

**Matt-Puppet:** Misa-Misa does not –

**L-Puppet:** You are Matt.

**Matt-Puppet:** Yes, I'm one of you nerds!

**L-Puppet:** Matt is a character who stalked you and had three lines of dialogue in the series. He is very popular in the fandom as Mello's boyfriend.

**Matt-Puppet:** Then, for Christmas I suppose I will stalk Light and Misa-Misa at the Christmas Ball and take Mello as my stalking, non-cute nerd-date. And we will spend the whole date creeping and nerding-out while normal people try to have fun for a good cause.

**Light-Puppet:** Hey, Misa-Puppet, I don't really love you :)

**Mello-Puppet:** I suppose my questions as to whether we are alive or not, and what is the nature of this alternate universe and timeline are moot given that Matt-puppet has committed me to a night of creepstalking Misa and Light. Mello is satisfied with this conclusion and decides to eat chocolate.

**Misa-Puppet:** I dye my hair this color, of course it's not natural. Hehehe, I'm such a poser! Probably, anyone stalking me would get bored and have sex with each other, since, when I'm alone, I'm not able to prance around for the attention and approval of men!

**Matt-****Puppet****:** Perhaps anyone stalking me…isa would want to have sex with blondes wearing black for OTHER reasons than being 'bored'.

**Near-Puppet:** Hey, I'm some little bastard who tries to be better than people! I don't know myself very well, but I guess that my personality is… um SHORT, and mean.

I'm really mean because I don't notice people who try to be better than me, and never notice people's new haircuts, or HOW MUCH THEY DO TO GET MY ATTENTION.

I suppose that I will spend Christmas with my head in a gas oven, KILLING MYSELF, because I don't deserve to be L's successor and the legacy should just DIE instead of go to someone unworthy… with white hair who doesn't even like sweets. And doesn't even cut his hair right to look awesome and smart like L, and probably never killed ANYONE.

**L-Puppet: **Successors to L do not need approval or emotional attachments. They are tools, and so am I. Such a tool.

Even though I don't care about you as your mentor, I am sure I don't want you to fight because one of you is much, _much_ better than the others.

**Near-Puppet: **Hey, I need to loosen up! Why won't anyone ever love me? Hahaha! Maybe I need to DIE!

******L-Puppet: **Puppet suicide is never the answer... (Don't look at me like that.)

**************Question: **To Near/author - what exactly does 'Pander-riffic' derive from?

Oh, God! It's another question for me! Well, I wanted to be puppet-actual-Misa, but I suppose that it doesn't matter, does it?

It derives from the word '_Terrifi_c', defined as being 'very good', added to the word '_Pander_'!

Thanks for the question!

* * *

LittleFanGirl asks questions too! She is pretty awesome, everyone!

**************Question: **I've read so many 'ask_' fics but this one, by far, has the best idea... Anywhooo...

This is just an introduction, but I as the author, cannot miss a chance to take a compliment or absorb more precious, precious attention. Anyway….

**Question:** **Near - What do you REALLY think of L?**

**Near-Puppet:** I don't know. I guess I'm pretty chuffed to get his title. I did just imply he's a dick, but probably I want him to have sex with me. Yeah. That's the ticket. That's probably how I got this gig!

**************Question: **Light - First of all quit thinking so highly of yourself...You're not that great... Are you gay? I have copious amounts of evidence that suggests you may be…

**Light-Puppet: **Thanks for asking! I'm probably not gay, for all I know, but I defiantly don't love Misa. In fact, I am just using her. But that's OK, because she doesn't love Mogi, and she acts like a tease to get other guy's attention because she needs constant approval.

I guess that if you have evidence, I probably am gay. Could you share the evidence with all of us please? *Sparkle sparkle*

**L-Puppet: **(Good use of sound-effects.)

**Light-Puppet: **(Heh, thanks. I'm getting the hang of these.)

******Question: **BB - Do you think you'd have gone crazy even without the shinigami eyes?

**BB -Puppet: **Oh, that's me. I notice that you did not ask about _my_ sexuality, and would like to thank you. It is rude, by the way, to try to play detective in people's personal matters. But no matter, it is not a crime, it is merely _unkind_.

Now, as this guy, I wonder if someone such as yourself might be a supporter of Kira's perfect world vision… But then I think about murder instead, because I am this guy and not Kira.

I suppose that being from the same place as all of these other freaks, probably nothing else would really have much effect. So yes. I would remain crazy in all possible versions of the universe.

Thanks for your question... and I love murder.

Honestly, it doesn't really make sense... How is it that I have more fans than Light?

(SO FRUSTRATING.) Hn… heh. Haha!

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHaaaa!

_[*Becomes serious*] _I suppose that people cannot be expected to know what's best for them. Which is why the world needs someone like Kira… Or whoever I am right now.

**Other puppets**: …

* * *

**Author:** Ok, let's wrap that up, ask more questions, and I - the CHARACTERS - will answer them. While pretending to be other characters.

Here is the answer key for last time:

Puppet Light - Near  
Puppet L - Misa  
Puppet Mello - Light  
Puppet BB - Matt  
Puppet Near - Mello  
Puppet Matt - BB  
Puppet Misa - L (by process of elimination)

**Review right now and ask questions or you will never know what kind of underwear they wear, and so on! Oh my god, you guys!**


	3. Dates For L and Punches for Misa

**SECOND EDITION**

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Justanothersleepingbeauty writes:

**Question**: **L: Who would you most like to go on a date with?**

**L Puppet: **All right, the star is me! Candy! Percentages… Yup, I'm in character!

Ok, so the person that I would go on a date with is Natalie Portman, because she is beautiful, spritely, and a good actor. And she's also a scientist! And she can dance! Nerds love Natalie Portman, and L loves beautiful women, who are also famous, so I will date Natalie Portman. I'm so good at this now. Can I keep this puppet?

**Question**: **Everyone else: Where would you take L on a date?**

**BB Puppet:** Murder-L and Ghost-L are not L's brothers?

**L Puppet:** I don't think so.

**Light Puppet:** I would take L someplace with low social stakes, like Olive Garden.

Japanese Olive Garden, I guess. Haha, followed by Japanese Walmart.

**Near Puppet:** As Puppet-know-it-all-ghost-L, I would like to point out the logical fact that your ideas are stupid. And Light would never be seen in such a place as Japanese Olive Garden.

**Light Puppet: **No, actually, I would take L on a date to some place that I like. I don't know, A&F for Japanese people, I guess. Anyway, I'm probably a douche like that. I would defiantly put the moves on him though, and make him totally fall for it, probably, because bullshit is my main talent.

Christ, I'm a smart bastard!

**BB Puppet:** Murder-L would take L on a date to some sort of bondage dungeon-thing. You're both into that, right? *heh* After L is done tying people up, Murder-L can murder them.

**Matt Puppet:** I would ask L where he would like to go, given that I am more of a follower than a leader. It is somewhat of a character flaw, and it disqualifies me as a successor, but it makes me easy to get along with. This is probably why we are going on a date, I suppose.

**Near Puppet:** I would probably take him straight to my room!

**Mello Puppet:** I would take him some place much better than that other guy! Like a fancier room! Someplace expensive! And dinner… but there would only be desert. I like desert right? Do I win?

**Misa Puppet:** Misa-Misa would take L on a date to someplace expensive, but it would also have to be dark, and not somewhere that people could see Misa and L together. It could not be secluded, because Misa does not trust L to be alone with her. So possibly a chaperoned date in a restaurant with private rooms. Misa would expect L to pay for the date.

**Light Puppet:** (God, it's like you've thought about this.) Hey, Misa-Puppet, I hate you. L loves me more than you. And you're short. (Hahaha, it all works!)

**Misa Puppet:** (Misa finds the brazenness of these statements out of character and brushes them off as a joke.) Light, you're so funny! And people can have growth spurts until they reach 25, this is a well-known fact.

******Near Puppet: **No, wait! I would take L to a terrifying abandoned building. I love sketchy abandoned places with a lingering sense of doom and dread. Probably L does too. We'd defiantly have pervert sex, though.

**L Puppet:** Guys, I want some sweets. Haha. Woo, Light-o-kun, let's have our date in the shower! Heh.

* * *

LittleFanGirl writes again, squealing with delight! She wrote three questions, so she is three points better than everyone who didn't write in.

**Question**: **Near: As much as I love you...Do you ever actually change your clothes? I mean...I know it's possible that you do change your clothes and they're just all the same but there is a small amount of doubt in my mind...**

**Near Puppet:** Probably not. My hero, L, always stank and wore the same thing all of the time. This is probably a rule wherever I'm from – to stink and be weird.

At least if anyone was ever handcuffed to me, I'd be easy to move around.

Or maybe we are all just naturally terrible people. It is unfair how some people can have brains, social skills, looks, and magic notebooks, while others are creepy orphans. But I still wish that I was an even creepier orphan, instead of someone worthwhile.

**Question: Misa: Why you continue to pine after, and practically stalk, Light despite the fact that he obviously doesn't love you?**

**Misa Puppet:** Misa-Misa follows Light because she loves him. The fact that Light loves Misa is true because that is what our relationship _looks like the outside world_!

This is a silly question! Wouldn't it be so silly if Misa-misa acknowledged deeper understanding when, on the surface, something else is said entirely?

Misa-Misa forgives your rudeness in trying to force the issue that she likes Light because of what he represents. Not everyone can grasp the oblique concept of social graces! I know that it isn't _hard_, but many _wrongly_ assume that it is just not worth it, and given all of the work I do to be pleasing to others, I disrespect those people who don't. It is a rejection of my values, which I try not to think about.

**Question: ****Everyone besides Misa: Would any of you mind if I tripped and my fist just happened to accidently make impact with Misa's face...Several times...?**

**Light Puppet:** The puppet or the person, I don't care.

**L Puppet: **I don't have anything against anyone, I'm a great detective!

**BB Puppet: **No, Don't. She never did anything to you. You are just jealous!

**Matt Puppet: **I don't have anything against anyone, this is just my personality.

**Misa Puppet:** (Misa gives you a cryptic song reference to go ahead!)

**Mello Puppet: **Hit her!

**Near Puppet: **Hit her!

**BB Puppet: **Kya!

* * *

Answers for last time

**Light-P=**Matt, **L-P=**Near, **BB-P=**Light, **Near-P=**BB, **Mello-P=**L, **Matt-P=**Misa, **Misa-P=**Mello.

I give Miss Bright full points because she got some wrong, but she confused Matt with Mello, and L with Near. So it's kind of my fault for not giving enough hints as to their personalities in the dialog. I'll get to her actual questions next time. I can only do about 2 of these without making it super long.

L is analytical in this, and Near is mostly just into the puppets. Mello is Mean, and Matt is easygoing. BB is murder-nuts, Misa is pretty much a giveaway, and Light is evil Justin Beiber.

If you have questions, get them in, this fic was spur of the moment, and doesn't really have a lot of longevity.


	4. The Least Helpful Answers Yet!

**LAST EDITION**

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**Miss Bright** writes: **I didn't deserve full points, I technically failed xD ****?**

But she is wrong, she deserves the points. It's not like they cost anything. Double points for modesty.

******Question: **L - Why didn't you contribute anything as Puppet Misa in the prologue?  


**L-Puppet: **The answer to your question is: Fuck that bitch.

**Question: To everyone else - What do you think of Santa Claus? Were you naughty or nice this year? ;)**

**L-Puppet: **Do I get to answer this too? Don't answer me, I know I do.

My answer is a question: How can the world's greatest detective think anything about something that doesn't exist?

Followup Question: Are you retarded?

**Near-Puppet:** (L-puppet-master will lose all of our fans if she is so mean.)

**BB-Puppet:** ( Oh. My. God! Hahaha!)

**Near-Puppet: **(Mello is not a girl?)

**Mello-Puppet:** I'm a BOY, Near! God damn it, you goddamn dickhole, you know that fact! I'm so much angrier than usual! Aghhh! I hate you Near, I'm going to run away and throw a fit!

**Near-Puppet:** (But what about the hair, and outfit, and all of the questions about that redhaired nerd dating her?)

**BB-Puppet: **(Hehehe :D Oh my god.)

**L-Puppet: **(Oh, fuck this. What the fuck, Misa? What the fuck? What about my voice?)

**BB-Puppet: **(Calm down, Mels, you know she's not that bright.)

**Mello-Puppet:** Matt is in love with Misa because she looks like me!

**L-Puppet: **(Stop stirring up shit!)

**Mello-Puppet:** *Choking sounds*

**BB-Puppet: **(Hey, hey, Mello! Stop!)

**Matt Puppet:** Hey, I'm that red-haired fucker! Pay attention to me while that one guy kills that other guy I don't like.

**BB-Puppet: **Oh yeah? I'm that ugly psycho! I'm in the series less than Matt. Hey, who the fuck _am_ I?

**Misa-Puppet:** I seriously have no idea who either of you are.

**L-Puppet: **(Good distraction, B. Thanks.) *punching sounds*

**BB-Puppet:** (Agh, Christ, Mello! stop killing Near!.)

**Mello-Puppet:** *Crack* (That's ok, he stopped. He loves me again.)

******L-Puppet: **Someone switch puppets with Near. Anyone.

**Misa-Puppet**: ... Misa would like to know if this stupidity is over. Light has important things to do far away from here.

**Light-Puppet: **Perhaps we should move on.

* * *

**LittleFanGirl **writes: **I'm not even gonna guess who is which puppet because I hate to lose... (But i am 99% sure that Misa is the BB-puppet ^_^ )**

She was 100% correct! Her fave character, Near, would approve of this strategy of not committing to a guess that has a slight chance of being wrong. Of course, that's just my interpretation - the CORRECT interpretation. Because I am the one putting the words in the mouths of other people's characters who are, themselves, speaking for other people's characters as I write this!

Me! The author!

Ahem.

**LittleFangirl** thinks she's gonna ask more questions.

Again, she was 100% correct because she DID continue her post and it DID include more questions! 2 points out of 2, LF!

******Question: **To everyone: How do you think your personality would alter if you were to consume alcohol and become drunk?

******Misa-Puppet**: It is cannon that Misa will pick fights, lose her social graces, and embarrass herself.

**Near-Puppet:** I want to know if all of the nerds are gay or not? Is this one gay?

**Mello-Puppet: **It is a cannon fact that I am!

******BB-Puppet: **No, this fight is over. Calm down, everyone.

**Matt-Puppet:** Oh, look at me! WooOoo, calm doooown, everyone! Haha, you're supposed to be me, gingerdick. I'd never say that.

**Mello-Puppet: **(Stop telling everyone who you are) ... Chocolate!

**Light-Puppet: **Perhaps we should move on... again.

**Question:** **Matt: How far do you agree with the statements that you are to Mello what a dog would be to it's owner? (Based on evidence that you follow him round and are rather obedient to all of his requests)**

**Matt-Puppet: **I would agree with them 100%, Except that I would say that I am more of a huge pussy than a dog of any sort.

******Question: **L: Do you think that had Near and Mello's roles been reversed (In that Near worked for the mafia and Mello the SPK)Kira wouldn've still been caught?

**L-Puppet: **Ok, you know, honestly, if that happened - and I don't know why it would - Kira probably wouldn't have been caught. It really was a team effort.

The only certainty is that Near would die pretty early on.

Like, the first day on his own.

* * *

**Aleksander-Nikolaevich-Her **has a great name and great questions!

**Question: ****M****ello: Do you ever put on any weight? Because of all the chocolate you eat.**

**Mello-Puppet: **No, never! I eat lots of chocolate but I'm also **-**

******Misa-Puppet**: Bulimic!

**Mello-Puppet: - **Very active.

**Question: ****Matt: How do you deal with Mello? You know, cos everyone knows your his boyfriend. :P**

**Matt-Puppet: **Oh totally, he loves me. But not as much as that little white freak :( I deal with him by buying his tampons at the store for him and breaking up his bitch-fights.

**Question: ****L: What's your favourite candy? I love candy and want to know some new brands I can try.**

**L-Puppet: **Chocolate. No wait, I know this. L likes those Kasugai hard candies, Kit-Kats, and Cadbury Creme Eggs. I've seen the wrappers for all of those things in the trash when he visits the house and... stop looking at me like that, Matt.

**Question: ****Misa-Misa: Were your parents short? If not, how come you are? (i love being mean to her)**

******Misa-Puppet**: Misa's parents are dead.

**L-Puppet: **You dick, don't even joke about that.

**Mello-Puppet: **Oh my Christ! Throwing another tantrum.

**Near-Puppet:** I don't want to do this anymore! (*Cries*)

**BB-Puppet:** (Oh, god, he's serious. Sorry Misa.)

******Matt-Puppet: **I'm an orphan too!. We're all orphans here! Hahahaha!

**BB-Puppet:** (Oh, don't even...)

**Light-Puppet:** I have an amazing father who was chief of police. He died because of Mello, I believe.

**Mello-Puppet: **I _said_ I didn't really want to kill him.

******Matt-Puppet:** Oh that's messed up. You either kill someone or don't, your intention doesn't matter.

**BB-Puppet: **(*Quietly sobbing*)

******Matt-Puppet:** No one would say that, you little cock.

**Light-Puppet:** The portrayal is quite accurate.

**Mello-Puppet: **I know myself quite well. And also, I don't want to be in this anymore!

**Light-Puppet: **No more questions, please.

**Author:** Wait! This was such a great idea! And if all of the characters who people care about are not into this anymore, then how is anyone supposed to pay attention to me?

**BB:** *Throws down puppet* Oh Jesus, we get it already! 'Ask _' fanfic reacharounds are just the author's way of getting attention for herself and having fun by 'playing puppets'.

**Mello: **You gave it away in the first few sentences.

**L:** It isn't really that funny, and it has perhaps gone on for much too long. And the author knows this, because she is actually writing the words for this sentence right now.

**Light:** And no, it wasn't a great idea. 'Ask _' fanfics are already technically disallowed!

**L:** Yes, just like '_MA_' stories as defined by having "_Content [that] is only suitable for mature adults [and which] may contain explicit language and adult themes._" are technically disallowed!

**Author:** *Whistles innocently*

**Matt:** And interactive or "choose your own adventure" stories. Which are never actually posted, but _would_ actually be awesome!

**Light:** Yes, and none of those are actually moderated, and the two that we mentioned that actually exist both have their followers.

**Author:** Wow, Death Note Characters Who Are Actually Just Myself, I guess I really don't have a point!

******Mello-Puppet (Actually Near): **Awesome. Now Let's end this.

**Mello:** Put that down, you are way to into being me.

******BB: **I was promised jam. I thought that _'Jam-boree'_ implied jam.

**Misa:** So are we all just over our dead parents again now? Just like that? Did that actually happen?

**Author: **The end!

**BB:** No, seriously. I will murder everyone here if I don't get some jam.

* * *

**Author:** Thanks for all of the questions, I hope that you enjoyed reading it, and so on. :)

Thanks to Littlefangirl, Miss Bright, justanothersleepingbeauty and Aleksander-Nikolaevich-Her for aiding me in my quest to be stupid, yet entertained, for the holidays.

Please don't ask more questions, because this is over. I still enjoy reviews, so if you want to tell me anything else, I'd always like to hear it.

Oh, and just a note for context to people who might find this later. There were a few weeks in November/December where half of the front page was 'Ask _" fics.

* * *

******Answers from last time:**

BB Puppet = Misa (She's usually obvious), Misa Puppet = Near (He really tries with the puppets), Light Puppet = Mello (He tries not to be into it and antagonizes Near), Matt Puppet = L (Analytical), Mello Puppet = BB, L-Puppet: Matt (He's hard to guess)


	5. I Lied, One More Chapter

**EDITION AFTER THE LAST EDITION**

**The fic is now super over. No more questions, please.**

* * *

Miss Bright answers Mello's followup question: **Is she retarded?**

******Light-Puppet**: Wow. That was really charitable of her.

**MB**: **To the follow-up question: Nuhhhh...maybe. Yes, I am. Mello, you party-pooping bastard :(**

**L-Puppet: **Who is this actually for? Is that for the real Mello, or his puppet, or my puppet?

**Mello-Puppet: **Me. Thanks for the answer!

* * *

BeyondBeleif13** wrote in to ask questions. So many important questions need answering, but the characters have all scorned me in my own mind. But, since I need them back, I have decided_ that didn't happen_ and they are still here for one more answer session.  
**

**Question: Light: What the heck did your mom and sister think when they found out you are kira?**

**Light-Puppet: **When considering their reaction to anything, it is important to remember that they are female characters in Death Note, and thus, their opinions are unrealistic and unimportant.

**Matt-Puppet: **Maybe none of us should talk about what we think are realistic characters, Mr Popular-and-Attractive-Top-student-in-the-country.

**Misa-Puppet:** Actually...

**BB-Puppet: **Speaking of unrealistic and unimportant...

**Misa-Puppet: ***Ahem*, actually, after you died, the team told them that you died because of Kira. There really wasn't a way to tell them.

**Mello-Puppet:** Wow, this is a party, isn't it! Glad we stuck around.

**Misa-Puppet: **And Misa is a better character than any of you nerds, except for L!

**Mello-Puppet: **And the claws come out...

**Misa-Puppet: **Misa is sorry, did you need some time off camera to think of something actually clever to say?

**Matt-Puppet: **Hey Misa? Where are all of your fanfics?

**Misa-Puppet: **Misa was in almost every episode of Death Note, does that count? No, wait, it's better.

**L-Puppet: **I must compliment your wit. My attraction to you has increased by 3%.

**Misa-Puppet: **Errrrrr. Um, Shoes!

******Question****: ****Light: Are you aware your last name backwards is "I'm-a-gay"?**

**Light-Puppet: **That is not my name in my native script, just an English transcription. I'm sure that there is something funny about any name in some language. And while you are at it, why would you choose my name to make fun of? One of these people is named 'Beyond Birthday', for Japanese God's sake.

**Matt-Puppet:** Are there any questions for the rest of us?

**********Question****:**** Everyone: Who beleives your puppet is gay?**

**Light-Puppet: **No! No one do this. We can't, on one hand, say that society accepts the sexuality as an immutable fact, and on the other, enforce a narrow definition of masculinity by way of emasculation and-

**Mello-Puppet:** Me!

**L-Puppet:** I don't have a lot of options. I could go either way.

**Matt-Puppet: **(Near, raise your puppet.)

**Mello-Puppet:** (Near, do, like, _anything_.)

**Matt-Puppet: **Me!

**Light-Puppet:** Stop declaring your sexualities! It's gauche.

******Mello-**Puppet: Me, again!

**Light-Puppet:** *Sigh*

**************Question****:** **Everyone: Can I have a puppet-hug? *holds up puppet of what I wish I look like T-T***

**Light-Puppet: **No! You were just incredibly rude.

**Matt-Puppet: **Don't be a puppet-douche. Hug her puppet. *Puppet hug*

**L-Puppet: **Yes, I do not pass up opportunities for human contact *Puppet hug*

**Mello-Puppet:** Yeah, yeah *Puppet hug*

**Misa-Puppet: ***Puppet hug*

**Near-Puppet:** I do not enjoy human contact, can I offer a puppet high-five instead? *Puppet daps*

**BB-Puppet: ***pretends to eat puppet jam* Busy. Oh wait, are you named after me? Awesome! *Puppet hug*

**********Question: **Everyone: Can I have a REAL hug? I feel very lonely T-T

******Light-Puppet:** Oh, now we're getting ambitious!

**BB-Puppet: **Sure, since you're a fan. I don't know how that would work though. I would say that I am 84% sure that we are all dead and in the afterlife, because I have to weight the fact that I can't see anyone's lifespan with the fact that this is not a very well-thought-out fanfic, so I guess you can have a hug when you are dead.

**Near-Puppet: **Loneliness is a useless emotion, I offer you empathy and encourage you understand that you should only trust yourself to help you with your problems.

**Mello-Puppet:** Near wants to hug you so bad! He can hug for both of us.

**Matt-Puppet: **Near wants to do my hug too.

**BB-Puppet: **Yes, when she dies.

Author: No, that is macabre. Just don't think about the setup.

**Misa-Puppet: **Misa doesn't understand.

******Light-Puppet: **That's unusual...

**L**-**Puppet: **How am I not supposed to think about it? I think about everything.

Author: Pretend it's the other thing. The series itself was a show, and you yourselves were actors playing yourselves and now live lives relatively consistent with your personalities.

******Light-Puppet: **So, another level meta?

**Mello-Puppet: **Yes, like Inception, but retarded.

**Matt-Puppet: **Right. My puppet is rolling his eyes.

**Mello-Puppet: **We need to go DEEPER.

**Matt-Puppet: **Heh. *Whispering sounds*

**Near-Puppet:** This is rated 'T'.

**Mello-Puppet: **Hey Near, wanna go to Olive Garden?

******Question: **L: What would your favorite sweet be?

**L-Puppet: **Pure Sodium saccharin, the sweetest substance on Earth.

******Question: **BB: have you tried any other jam besides strawberry?

**BB-Puppet: **Of course! I've tried them all. Literally every other jam and jelly. I just think that strawberry is the best!

**Matt-Puppet: **Boring answer. Make up something better.

**BB-Puppet:** I only had so much to work with.

**Light-Puppet:** I bet that you haven't tried nerd-jam.

**BB-Puppet:** I don't know what that would be.

**Light-Puppet:** I made it up. I was implying that you should kill a nerd.

**L-Puppet: **I thought that you were implying something much more... disturbing.

**BB-Puppet:** Ok, I want to try it now.

**Mello-Puppet:** I volunteer Near for whatever you're thinking.

**Near-Puppet:** I don't want to be in this anymore.

******************Question**: **Near: do you eat normal food? The plotline doesn't suggest unusual food habits.**

**Near-Puppet: **I honestly don't know what normal people eat.

**Mello-Puppet:** Animal crackers, Lunchables, and dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

**Matt-Puppet:** Heh.

**Mello-Puppet: **Uncrustables, those drinkable yogurt, and anything ready-to-eat by Oscar Mayer.

**Near-Puppet: **Oh, I suppose that I eat normal food then.

******************Question**:** Everyone: Which one of you believes your puppet is the smexiest? (Light-puppet cannot answer this one XD)**

******Mello-Puppet:** Me!

**Misa-Puppet: **Misa is cutest!

**********L-Puppet:** The rest of us have self-esteem issues.

**Question: Everyone: do you think I'm coming up with questions off the top of my head? AM NOT! O-o**

**Light-Puppet: **I would be... bothered to think that you put much thought into them.

**Question: ****Near: Are you actually albino or did you bleach your hair?**

**Near-Puppet: **Neither, actually.

******BB-Puppet: **Booo! Non-answer.

**********Near-Puppet: **Ok, when I was a baby, I was sickly and about to die, but my parents used the power of the goddess of the moon to infuse my body with the strength to live, and it turned my hair white.

**Matt-Puppet:** Haha, that was Yue from Avatar: The Last Airbender!

******BB-Puppet: **Booo!

**********Near-Puppet: **All right, then. I just don't know.

**Question: Near: Are you related to sheep (bloodline)?**

**Near-Puppet**: How is that possible?

**Mello-Puppet: **Your mom was a sheep.

**Near-Puppet:** Your mom was a circus act.

**Matt-Puppet: **Weak.

**Near-Puppet:** We could do better, but we're keeping this rated T.

(Author: If it kills me.)

**************Question**: L: Are you related to a panda/raccoon?

**L-Puppet:** What?

**Light-Puppet:** Probably a raccoon, because he eats garbage.

**Question: Matt: Would 'Gamer' be a species of it's own?**

**Matt-Puppet:** I like to think that I'm in a_ league _of my own.

**********Question**: Mello: are you goth?

******Mello-Puppet: **I don't like to label my unique personal style. Actually, I _do_ like to call it 'Dark Sexyluscious'.

**Matt-Puppet: **I can confirm that he likes to call it that. This is not a good thing.

**********Mello-**Puppet: Weak.

******Question: **Wow, I got more questions than I thought I would. I love this fic!

**Author**: That is not a question, it is attention for me! Thank you, and, Oh my god!

* * *

Ok, so that's the last of the questions and attention for me.

**Here are the answers form last time:**

**Mello-puppet = Near, L-puppet = Mello, Near-puppet = Misa, Misa-puppet = Light, Light-puppet = L****, BB-puppet = Matt and Matt-Puppet = BB**

Everybody who guessed was right!

Thanks to Amani Hershel, BeyondBeleif13, LittleFanGirl, and Miss Bright for indulging me while I played puppets with myself for attention and to work through my mental problems, for which I desperately need therapy. This fic could be said to be a cry for help, with each chapter update going directly to the Illuminati List of Abject Crazy People (instead of the regular FBI watchlist all my other updates go to).

Anyway, thanks for the questions, but I like the ending the way it is, so no more. I'm sure that 'Ask _' fics will be with us for a long time to come, so you won't have to miss a single chance to ask fan authors what cartoon-character briefs they think Matsuda wears. And, joking aside, there's nothing wrong with that.

* * *

**Answers for this time:**  
Everyone was themselves.


End file.
